(from guest hostess Madge)

Midge, as y’all know, is my best girlfriend.  But just between you, me and the fireplace, sometimes I think she takes too many shortcuts.  We housewives all know that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I can just imagine her borrowing Larry’s drill and, well, you can guess the rest.

From what Midge says, Larry hasn’t gotten his drill out for years, but Betty down the street says he’s good at hammering and pounding.  I didn’t know he was such an accomplished carpenter.

Honestly, I owe Midge a lot.  She’s a “progressive” (as the Yankees say) gal, and over the years has given me many a fashion tip.  For example, did you know that you can buy mascara in a tube? 

But (I couldn’t believe this either) she’s never made Larry a cake from scratch! The girls were all a-titter during last Tuesday’s koffee klatch, and if you believe the gossip, Midge bought Larry a cake from a store!

Well, as you know, I’m always one to help out my friends.  And what makes Larry, by which I mean Midge, happy makes me happy, so I generously volunteered to teach her my secret poppyseed cake recipe.  She has this new camera called a “Polaroid,” and you can actually see the snapshots ten minutes after taking them!

First, you soak 1 cup of poppy seeds overnight in 3/4 cup of milk.

Next, you cream a stick of butter with 1-1/2 cups sugar.  Imagine, Midge didn’t even have a pastry blender, so I had to borrow her mine!

Creaming is hard work for a gal, so Midge asked Larry to help, but he said she hadn’t made him cream for years, so he wasn’t going to try that again.  Then Midge got a sour look on her face for some reason.

Then you add 2 tsp. baking powder, 1 tsp. vanilla, and 1/2 cup milk.

The next step is to beat three egg whites until stiff.  Midge went into the living room to turn on “All My Children,” which even before Larry bought her a color set with his promotion money she never missed an episode.  The girls at the Kiwanis Wives say that’s because she’s barren, but honestly, I don’t understand that because she always seems to have lots of clothes.

So I asked Larry if he would help, and he kind of mumbled that after a few stiff ones the only thing he wanted to beat was . . . his wife!  That Larry, such a card!

Midge took a Polaroid picture of Larry and then he got really mad for some reason, yelling at her about his enflamed “he-man roids” (or something like that) and why did she have to keep reminding him and somesuch.  I think maybe he’s camera-shy.

Well, I never did see the end of the cake.  Joe called and said his secretary was ill again.  She gets ill a lot, and Joe, out of the goodness of his heart, stays late and, as he says, “takes care of her needs.”  Honestly, I’m starting to get a little suspicious.  She’s paid by the hour, so I think she might be trying to pad her pocketbook.

-Madge